| nws_mic1.oxt | 1.41 | 0xEB8B0CE4 | Jeremy Sim - Daily Globe<br>Officer Daryl Bint was suspended after posting crime scene photos on his Lifeinvader as status updates, which you would know if you just read the headline, but I'm paid per word so I have to fatten out my stories from time to time. Mr Bint worked in Liberty City and became a police officer because he was lonely, insecure and had a tiny penis. Probably. I just made that up. I did a journalism degree and now I'm writing news updates for a website. I wanted to write expos-s of injustice not slice of life stories about cops. Who gives a fuck? Cops can suck my dick. In fact, they do, when I get drunk and act out. So, anyway, he's a cop, he took pictures of dead people, he put them online. And now he's going to prison, where he will be molested by angry dudes who hate cops. Oh the layers of irony, not sure where to start. I hate you, so I'm going to sexually assault you? I hate cops so I'm going to become one? I hate crime so here's a picture of it? I hate myself so I keep messing up and that's all there is to it.<br>Update - Jeremy Sim is no longer working for the Daily Globe. We apologize if any readers were offended by his story. |
| nws_mic3.oxt | 1.41 | 0x7F54C228 | Mike Dunn - Daily Globe<br>Women are weak and men are strong according to the old adage. But these days it's often the other way around as women are weightlifting. Local resident Anthony King told reporters yesterday that the trend of female bodybuilders working out in Vespucci Beach is bringing strange feelings to the surface. He said they excite and revolt him with equal measure, as he thought his strange feelings for women with pronounced muscles had been buried for good in his teenage years. |
| nws_mic3.oxt | 1.41 | 0x8CB361B0 | Terror in Los Santos. |
| nws_mic3.oxt | 1.41 | 0x91D6672B | Frank Edwards - Los Santos Meteor<br>Usually it's kept to the movies, but Los Santos erupted in real terror yesterday. Many agents were left dead as the IAA and the FIB fought valiantly to defeat an unknown enemy assailant in a bloody battle at the Kortz Center. Private security contractors from Merryweather were also thought to have engaged the enemy as the war on terror hit our streets. Shocked passersby watched agents as they battled bravely to stop the terrorists. Confusion reigned, and at certain moments it seemed as if the agents were fighting each other, but order was soon restored. FIB spokesman Gary Lane told reporters at the scene - "we will not sleep until we have identified the people responsible for this incident. Several agents fell in the line of duty, but luckily no innocent people were affected." Both IAA and FIB officials called for increased funding to fight the war that has now arrived in our city. |
| nws_mic3.oxt | 1.41 | 0xDAF0FE2A | Buff babes create confusion. |
| nws_mic4.oxt | 1.41 | 0x2F981C4A | Dead sunbather on front lawn for days. |
| nws_mic4.oxt | 1.41 | 0x3B743406 | Meltdown review: Four Star Fun. |
| nws_mic4.oxt | 1.41 | 0x31D020BA | Crowdsourcing brings cheesy idea to reality. |
| nws_mic4.oxt | 1.41 | 0x399AF975 | Sean Brown - Liberty Tree<br>Crowdsourcing has financed another idiotic idea on website Beseecher. Entrepeneur Scott Yuthers says he has enough money to start the businesses called Chesesus where he sculpts deities out of different cheeses and sells them to weddings and bar mitzvahs. He said that people enjoy eating statues of cheese, or at least he does. |
| nws_mic4.oxt | 1.41 | 0xC4FE8FBE | Luke Austin - LS24<br>When the screen went dark and Meltdown began, I bathed in the rich images of Liberty City. The vibe was incredible. Then suddenly every movie clich- was unleashed upon the audience in rapid fire, as empty and soulless as the computer-generated backgrounds. A love interest started and didn't go anywhere. A voiceover appeared in weird places. Bizarre music choices were picked for the soundtrack. As the credits rolled, we were left with a warm fuzzy feeling about what happens when greed tries to win. It never wins. I loved this movie. It has flaws, but much like with my wife and her ever-sagging body, I will plod through the motions and get lost in the nuance. |