| nws_mic4.oxt | 1.41 | 0xF73CF43A | Martina Bryans - Daily Rag<br>Neighbors are shocked at the passing of 82-year-old Ethel Winthrop who spent her days on a lawn chair sipping alcoholic drinks. A grandmother who was forbidden to visit her grandchildren, she made happiness the only way she knew how - with gin and screaming at passing cars. She was dead on her lawn for days before someone noticed she might not be sleeping off a hangover. Services will be held this weekend. Her will requested an open viewing in her bikini. Her family will adhere to her wishes as long as they don't have to attend. |
| nws_mtn1.oxt | 1.41 | 0x1D1ED5BB | Cosplayers get over excited! |
| nws_mtn1.oxt | 1.41 | 0x1255BFED | Another casualty in the phone war. |
| nws_mtn1.oxt | 1.41 | 0x6353D909 | Reed Brazier - Daily Rag<br>A private jet bound for Liberty City has crashed in the Senora Desert killing everybody on board, in what police are calling extremely suspicious circumstances. The plane was carrying Javier Madrazo, a key witness in a case against a Los Santos based drug cartel, whose cousin Martin Madrazo, is alleged to be an organized crime kingpin. |
| nws_mtn1.oxt | 1.41 | 0xD1483E0F | Private jet crashes in Senora Desert - dead include key witness. |
| nws_mtn1.oxt | 1.41 | 0xE5C15DE6 | Annie Frost - LS24<br>A fight broke out yesterday on Vinewood boulevard between two cosplayers outside the legendary Oriental movie theatre. The costumed men, one dressed as liberal super hero, Impotent Rage, the other as The Commander, a character in long-running space show, 'Republican Space Rangers', apparently took their characters' political affiliations too much to heart. And after calling each other names all day, and trading insults about immigration reform, payola and war mongering, suddenly The Commander took a swing at Impotent Rage and they began duking it out in front a crowd of spectators most of whom filmed events on smartphones rather than stopping or helping. The Police department has promised to crack down on make believe as a result . LSPD Spokesman Lee Whitless told us "people have to stop believing in fairies and start believing in real stuff, like weapons of mass destruction." |
| nws_mtn1.oxt | 1.41 | 0xEF1B709A | Mike Dunn - Daily Globe<br>Sean Douglas died for our sins: The sins of a public hooked on smartphones. All he wanted was the new ifruit phone being released a few months from now. But he died in that heroic quest riddled with leprosy, sleeping outside a store, getting rained on, eating out of cans, and peeing in jars. Many mocked him. But we are Sean Douglas. We are all in search of something better, something unobtainable. Something flashy and electronic that we toss in a drawer when it's no longer the hot new thing. Welcome to Armageddon America. |
| nws_nig1a.oxt | 1.41 | 0x04137EB0 | Tamara Dawkins - Starstalk<br>Willie Mc Tavish, the bassist for the Scottish hair metal legends Love Fist, has been attacked by an obsessed fan in Los Santos' Tequi-la- la nightclub. The assailant forced his way into the club, punched the rock star in the mouth and made off with one of his gold teeth. Willie seemed relatively unfazed by the attack and continued drinking whiskey. |
| nws_nig1a.oxt | 1.41 | 0xA530C0E8 | John Jackson - Talkin' Balls<br>You must have seen the announcement that Incarcerate US is planning to buy the Corkers. A for-profit prison company running a sports team? Many are shocked. But we think it makes sense. The majority of sports stars these days are either criminals or about to be criminals, as unscrupulous sports agents take talented but spoiled and na-ve young women and men, and encourage them to buy sports cars and act like assholes in order to get press and increase their Bleeter followers. It is a sad world we live in. Greed, guts and glory are the only things that will see us through. |
| nws_nig1a.oxt | 1.41 | 0xC3644585 | Love Fist's Willie McTavish attacked! |