| nws_pap1.oxt | 1.41 | 0xF948369B | Anna Foster - Los Santos Meteor<br>At one time Americans dealt with pain by having a stiff drink, a barbiturate, and lying down on a therapist's couch to cry. But now people are skipping the therapy and going straight to the pills. Up to one in four Americans is addicted to pain pills like Deludamol and Zombix and some warn that this spells trouble. The pharmaceutical industry has denied accusations that they are overzealously advertising morphine-based painkillers for profit. They said that the sponsorship of stock car races, football games, and little league soccer is their way of giving back to the community. |
| nws_pap3a.oxt | 1.41 | 0x91E408D3 | Poppy pops a few, gets behind wheel. |
| nws_pap3a.oxt | 1.41 | 0xB684108E | Faith Bailey - WNKA International<br>Brian White has been drinking Logger all his life. He has one with breakfast, drives his wife to school where she is a teacher, and then heads out to the oil field where he has worked for 34 years. But when he found out that his beloved Logger was about to be owned by the Chinese, he cried. "I don't know what to do," White blubbered.<br>Ming Ha Ling beverage of Shanghai recently purchased Logger for 4.2 billion dollars. The company promises to keep the spirit alive of the red-blooded American lager. It will be brewed in a province outside the country that most Americans are unable to name. |
| nws_pap3a.oxt | 1.41 | 0xBFB66477 | Another American icon purchased by the Chinese. |
| nws_pap3a.oxt | 1.41 | 0xE84AF41B | Angel Bell - Prattle<br>Wasted behind the wheel? Is Poppy Mitchell a young girl spiraling dangerously out of control? We certainly hope so. Police arrested her for drunk drinking earlier after a high-speed chase through the busy streets of Los Santos. For a self-proclaimed teetotal virgin, Poppy sure has done a lot of screwing and drinking this week. First an "entirely innocent" sex tape at the Gentry Manor Hotel, now an alcohol-fueled rampage through Vinewood. All-American girl, turned All-American slut, turned All-American nutjob. Don't worry, it's a well-trodden path, Poppy, and we'll hold your hand the whole way through it. |
| nws_pap3b.oxt | 1.41 | 0x7B600BD0 | Annie Frost - LS24<br>The suburbs and outskirts of Los Santos are undergoing what some say is an apocalyptic plague. Residents say invasive species harass residents of gated communities who moved to the wilderness in order to live a stress free life away from deer. They claim that wildlife eat their gardens. Local governments are discussing a massive poisoning initiative in order to reset the balance. Maybe they should try the residents first. |
| nws_pap3b.oxt | 1.41 | 0x7D4DAC6A | Nature fighting back. |
| nws_pap3b.oxt | 1.41 | 0x730A97E4 | Royal reefer. |
| nws_pap3b.oxt | 1.41 | 0xC1BD1889 | Gavin McTavern - WNKA International<br>Minor royal Princess Georgina has fallen victim to yet another media sting operation on her latest visit to the USA. The party-loving young royal, believing wholeheartedly that she was on a tour of impoverished inner city Los Santos neighborhoods, was lured into a trap by unscrupulous paparazzi to make it look like she was buying marijuana from a drug dealer. Princess Georgina is said to be devastated and embarrassed that she allowed herself to be taken advantage of so naively. Maybe if the Americans had their own royal family instead of worshiping pathetic celebrities, they might show some semblance of class, morality and common decency. |
| nws_pro.oxt | 1.41 | 0x0162C297 | Martina Bryans - Daily Rag<br>Cris Formage and his fellow Epsilonists were celebrating yesterday after the Supreme Court of the State of San Andreas overturned the Revenue Service's claim that they were a cult, and not a real religion, and therefore should have their charitable status repealed. An Epsilon Program Spokesman said "when you think of cults, you think of deluded, self-appointed demigods wearing silly clothes, inventing silly words and telling everyone how to live. That's not Epsilonism at all. We are a religion. We all like the same color and we are all involved in writing a great work of scripture just like any other religion. The Tract is not yet written but it will be soon. This is a great day for mankind. In fact it's the best day for a billion years or more. Kifflom." |